Here’s my stoopid little parody of Foreigner’s “Juke Box Hero.”

TOOK SPOCK’S GYRO

Standing on deck eight, just a red shirt bloke
Couldn’t get no dinner, food replicator’s broke
Heard a door sliding forth, and Spock entered the scene
Passing by with a plate, with some Vulcan cuisine
He saw one pita, oozing green pâté
With a side of cheese fries, and then Spock walked away

Thought he’d backtrack Spock’s steps… through that red sliding door
Didn’t know what was in there — but he knew for sure
That stuffed pita, it came from in there
Didn’t get far, it wasn’t fair
Just one pita, but to his chagrin
Was the Officer’s Mess — so he couldn’t get in
So he started trottin’, ain’t gonna lose Spock
Yeah he started plottin’, but might have to play this one ad-hoc

He’s gonna take Spock’s gyro (and all his cheese fries), yeah he’ll take Spock’s gyro
He’ll grab one pita, take Spock’s gyro, all those cheese fries
Take Spock’s gyro (all those cheese fries), He’s gonna dine tonight

Heading up to level three, on pretense of some chore
As he followed Spock’s shadow, to the turbo-lift door
Through that portal they go, Spock still holding that plate
Has to time it right, seconds left to wait
Makes his grab and he’s running, right as lift doors shut
Gotta keep on runnin’, yeah Spock can kiss his red shirt butt

‘Cause he took Spock’s gyro, and all his cheese fries
Yeah he took Spock’s gyro, with all those cheese fries
Yeah, took Spock’s gyro, all those cheese fries
With that stuffed pita (all those cheese fries)
He’s gonna dine, gonna dine tonight…

Yeah, he’s gonna keep on scarfin’, just can’t stop
But he starts a-barfin’, because it’s Vulcan vegan slop

Well he took Spock’s gyro, and all those cheese fries
He just took Spock’s gyro, vegetarian surprise
(Just one pita) took Spock’s gyro,
He just took Spock’s gyro,
Took Spock’s gyro, took Spock’s gyro
It’s not much of a prize — except the cheese fries…

Here is my stoopid parody of Gilbert & Sullivan’s “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General.”

I Am the Very Model of a Pedant Quite Grammatical

I am the very model of a pedant quite grammatical,
I’ve information linguistic, semantic, and syntactical,
I know the “ing’s” of gerunds, and their usages pragmatical
On Oxford comma omissions, I’m known to get drammatical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters quite rhetorical,
I understand the metaphors and symbols allegorical,
Of isomorphic relations I’m known to know a thing or three,
With many cheerful facts about their usage in song parody.

I’m good at counting syllables and matching up the emphases;
(Although it gives me flashbacks to resolving Lisp parentheses):
In short, in matters linguistic, semantic, and syntactical,
I am the very model of a pedant quite grammatical.

I’ve written epic parodies, when not suff’ring from writer’s block;
I find the bestest muse can be a double stout or doppelbock,
I wrote a send-up of “The Raven” on a single IPA,
My spoofs of ev’ry Rush song are all noted in my resume;
I can spell out anagrams from the originating text on sight,
I know that “New York Times” can be reordered into “monkeys write”!
In fact, it would improve their rag to swap their staff with chimpanzees,
If nothing else, it would help to reduce their painful journalese.

I like to think a special place in hell awaits the people who
Confuse the use of “its” and “it’s”, or write “try and”, and not “try to”:
When “there” and “their” and “they’re” confound, I tend to get fanatical,
I am the very model of a pedant quite grammatical.

In fact, when I see some asshat use two spaces post-period,
I fantasize about incentivizing him, ways myriad
To please conform to ev’ry norm of proper writing protocol
Your pronouns better not be vague, infinitives not split at all
When I have played with similes and all things analogical
When most of my best parodies lean to the scatalogical
In short, when I can list all prepositions alphabetical
You’ll say a better grammar pedant must be hypothetical

For my literary knowledge, though I lean quite hard to hard sci-fi
I do expect adherence strict to grammar rules that underlie
To summarize, this grammar critic never takes sabbatical
I am the very model of a pedant quite grammatical.